An Invitation to Be More Genuine
Let’s be real with each other in a kind and caring way
I believe genuineness and spirituality go hand in hand. I’ve been thinking a lot for the past few years about the idea of being more genuine in all areas of my life, and how this impacts my spiritual growth.
People talk about the figurative masks that “we” all wear. That we have masks for all areas of our lives and take them off at home — or sometimes not even at home. I’ve heard that there’s a difference between our so-called social self and our professional self and that we should keep them separate.
This has never sat right with me. When I hear about purposefully having different selves for different aspects of our lives, my BS meter starts ringing. This way of looking at human nature is what feels so slimy to me about traditional marketing, branding, messaging, and quite honestly some relationships.
I no longer feel comfortable with people that behave one way in my presence and then behave differently somewhere else.
You probably know what I’m talking about. When you’re with someone and you can tell they are behind a facade. Like they are physically present, but you can’t really find them. You can feel when you’re not getting someone’s true Self. And admittedly, I certainly have in the past betrayed my integrity to go along and keep the peace.
Where in life have you not been genuine or maybe have noticed someone else with that metaphorical mask on? How did that feel?
More and more I see and feel how much I value genuineness — this sense that someone’s true Self is really present.
So I strive (not always succeeding!) to be genuine whether I’m talking to a potential client, a friend, or my husband at home. I’m still learning.
What does this mean? This means being who I am and not hiding. It means not pretending to feel something I don’t feel. It means being congruent with my internal feelings and my outward behavior. Bottom line: It’s not lying just to go along. It also means letting go of the need for everyone to like me.
Now here’s an important piece to this. Being genuine does not mean saying everything I think. It does not mean correcting people all the time when I disagree with them.
It definitely does not mean saying whatever I want to whomever and then not caring what they think or how they feel. That’s just being insensitive.
If you’re an Enneagram fan, my personality tends to sit comfortably at Type 8. (Our personalities are different from our true Selves.) And I’m aware that my communication style can sometimes come off as harsh or abrasive. The way I speak can have an impact on the recipient that I don’t intend. Being genuine for me requires self-reflection on what my personality is doing, self-awareness, constant work on myself and my issues.
None of this is easy. I fail miserably sometimes. I’ve agreed to do things even though I didn’t really want to do them. Although I keep getting better at saying no. And on the other side of that, I’ve woken up more than one morning after spending time with friends asking myself if I was too harsh or too overbearing. Was I honest in a way that could have been hurtful?
My ongoing intention is to be genuine with a compassionate awareness of how I am in relationship with others.
Here’s an example. I recently volunteered to be an assistant for a 6-month program that required the assistants to meet online frequently. I expected these meetings would be about logistics and admin, possible improvements to the training, and how we were doing as volunteers. The meetings were actually each volunteer processing their feelings and it started to feel like group therapy, which I hadn’t agreed to. I kept quiet about my experience each weekend not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings and not knowing how to talk about this in a way that didn’t come off as being a total jerk. I wasn’t being genuine.
When I dropped the need to manage other people’s feelings and attuned to my heart, I found the words to express how I was feeling compassionately while being true to my experience. I took full responsibility for my feelings and didn’t blame anyone. It turns out a few other people felt the same way I did. Speaking about my experience in a compassionate way allowed others to feel comfortable sharing more authentically as well.
Living from a more genuine place also serves to deepen my spiritual connection. I live my life more as the truest version of me.
Dear reader, if we meet, please don’t show me your social or professional self or any self that has to be named. This is an invitation to show me You. That You without the labels or masks, and I’ll do the same.
